The story so far… (4th part to the Hostess series)

The disgruntled hostess had too much pride and very little common sense, and so she packed up her bags and headed to a place with sweltering heat, cattle on the road and an inglorious parliamentary system….India.

I survived recession when I first got to India, but after giving into emotional blackmail of a single parent, I came back to my actual home, Delhi. If you are wondering, you may have even guessed it right, I am Punjabi. A Christian Punjabi to be precise! We are rare, but do exist.

Fast forward to the present, I am turning 30 in 3 days and my mother is beginning to panic. No woman in the Punjabi community whether ugly or pretty, rich or poor would stay unmarried for so long. People begin to wonder, and wondering leads to talk. “Is she lesbian? Na baba na, what are you saying?!” “Such a nice pretty girl, but very bad luck she has.” “Maybe she is not finding the right boys, I will introduce her to my sister’s brother-in-law’s son who recently got divorced”. And so it goes on. Lately, I even have neighbors wanting me to meet a boy they know.

It’s not that I can’t get a man; I do have a boyfriend (at least that’s what they are still called). But it’s a long distance relationship – boy and girl, rather, man and woman live in two different states, and the 3G intercom services is what keeps the love alive. Did I say love? Oops! Friendship turning into like and hoping to fall in love is what it is.

While my mother is busy scanning through the matrimonials and envisioning a grand celebration, I interrupt her thoughts with my grand announcement – I have a boyfriend.

Mom – Is he Christian?

Me – No, he’s Hindu.

Mom – North Indian?

Me – Gujrati

Mom – Educated?

Me – Yes, he’s a MBA and runs a business.

Mom – Are you serious about each other?

Me – I don’t know. I do like him a lot.

Mom – Will he marry you?

Me – I don’t know.

Mom – Then what do you want me to do?

Me – I don’t know. I’m telling you because you need to know. But I guess you can keep searching for grooms for me. (I have to be practical here, because even the boyfriend’s mother has told him to keep his options open.)

Me – What if we do decide to get married to each other?

Mom – Then you’ll have a court-wedding.

And I’m left standing with my mouth hitting the ground, and I think I heard a ‘clunk’.

Now don’t get my mother wrong. She’s an Indian mother and that too a Punjabi one. If you defy your parents and marry out of caste, you are only entitled to a simple wedding. But if you are the ‘ghar ka shaan’ (star of the house), who gets married to the spouse of your parents’ choice, then even the Gods shower gold upon you.

While I have an obsessing mother to deal with, I also have to tread carefully with the boyfriend. At the start of a relationship, everything seems perfect and you think absolutely nothing can go wrong. But down the line, a few months later, trouble begins to knock. I live miles away from him, what can I do to keep the romance alive? (But that’s not the dilemma here.) Just that I am turning 30, travelled the world and openly swear in public, am I considered a different variant of the female species? Older does mean wiser, but that doesn’t mean we are rid of feelings, especially the worst one of all – jealousy! When you frankly tell a man that you are the possessive type, he thinks you are cool and takes it sportingly. But when finally confronted with the emotion, he thinks that you are immature! Argh! What law of the universe is this? Am I not allowed to feel jealous and insecure? Which woman is devoid of such feelings? We are not cool all the time. For Heaven sake, even mothers feel jealous of their son’s wives/girlfriends!

Men, when we have feelings of negativity, we are not suspecting you of cheating on us. We just need your attention and be reminded that we are better than the rest. (Extra effort required for long-distance girlfriends.)

I wish life, especially relationships came with an instruction manual.