The Evil Stepmother - Negative Emotions!

The weekend has mulled me to rationalize the science of jealousy. And so I ardently search the internet for a scientific reasoning. Google provided an intensive number of hits, but I finally decided on quoting Wikipedia.

(Note – As a researcher, I never quote Wiki, but you got to admit, you get the most reasonable and easily understood articles here.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy

The word stems from the French word, jalousie, formed from jaloux (jealous), and further from Low Latin, zelosus (full of zeal), in turn from the Greek word ζήλος (zēlos), sometimes "jealousy", but more often in a positive sense "emulation, ardour, zeal"  (with a root connoting "to boil, ferment"; or "yeast").
Jealousy is a secondary emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of presenting emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.
Jealousy is often reinforced as a series of particularly strong emotions and constructed as a universal human experience; it has been a theme of many artistic works that seek to privilege monogamous discourses. Psychologists have proposed several models of the processes underlying jealousy and have identified factors that result in jealousy. Sociologists have demonstrated that cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of jealousy. Biologists have identified factors that may unconsciously influence the expression of jealousy. Artists have explored the theme of jealousy in photographs, paintings, movies, songs, plays, poems, and books. Theologians have offered religious views of jealousy based on the scriptures of their respective faiths.

The article does have a lengthy discourse but we get the picture. I think most of us feel jealous because we feel insecure, another negative emotion, and the root of most fears. Here’s another interesting article I found.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199905/the-trouble-insecurity

The Trouble with Insecurity

How those who suffer from low self-esteem sabotage their own relationships.

By Jeff Howe, published on May 01, 1999 - last reviewed on May 18, 2007

Most people seek a soul mate to love them unconditionally. But those who need such acceptance most—the terminally insecure—often sabotage their own chances at bliss.

When we're feeling low, we often regain confidence through a mate's love and support. Unfortunately, says Sandra Murray, Ph.D., people who suffer from low self-esteem assume that their loved ones notice their glaring faults more than their redeeming virtues.

In four experiments, Murray and colleagues asked subjects to think of a time they'd disappointed their partner. Finally, subjects answered a questionnaire assessing the strength of their partner's love and their feelings for him or her. Mulling over the past incident led insecure subjects to report that their mate did not accept them as they were. Ironically, insecure people seemed to push away a possible source of reassurance by thinking less of their loved ones. Afraid of rejection, the less confident fear that their partners will get wind of their flaws, explains Murray, of the State University of New York at Buffalo. They try to distance themselves before they get dumped.

"People with low self-esteem are doubly at risk" of feeling vulnerable in a relationship, she says. "They tend to believe their partner's regard is conditional." Luckily, says Murray, stable relationships are known to boost self-esteem. So, the longer the insecure person hangs on to a loving partner, the less likely she is to drive him away.

I rest my case…….nothing more to be said.

But wait!!!!! We just can’t let these insecurities get the better of us. We could be with an awesome partner right now who isn’t aware of the above theorem. Why should we let our insecurities get the better of us? Why should we lose out on being with a wonderful person? 

It’s not easy, and neither is it easy to make the other person understand this. They would probably think that we are making an excuse for not being able to maintain a success relationship.

We have to make a promise to ourselves to live a happier and positive life. Take it one step at a time, and don’t rush because you might stumble and fall. Look around you, there’s always someone to help along the way. And I hope your partner understands and will always be with you no matter.

Here’s to happy endings. May we all get our Prince Charmings.

(RJ, I wish you could read this and understand.)